Haven’t we all had at least one experience where we question “why me?”
- Why am I faced with this difficult challenge?
- Why did they do that to me?
- Why was I harmed?
- What have I done to deserve this?
Haven’t we all had at least one experience where we question “why me?”
- Why am I faced with this difficult challenge?
- Why did they do that to me?
- Why was I harmed?
- What have I done to deserve this?
While I can not answer these questions, I have witnessed the healing power of exploring our feelings and finding purpose and meaning through the art of writing a letter, or therapeutic letter writing. In the therapeutic process, letters are intended to extend the work of therapy beyond the session by continuing the ‘meaning-making’ that occurs with a therapist. Writing a letter encourages you to take a step back from your trauma and create some perspective. This creation of perspective provides you with an opportunity to analyze your experience. Therapeutic letter writing can help you process strong emotions, and aspects of the experience you have not dealt with can be brought into greater awareness. This process allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings and possibly re-frame your story, find forgiveness and with the ultimate goal, move forward. Therapeutic letter writing is based on open, uncensored thoughts and feelings that will never be sent. The letter should contain all your emotions, your needs, your demands and your condemnations towards the person or object as the letter is an internal dialogue. You can be explicit, truthful and express whatever you want to say in a raw and crude form. Written from past, present or future, letters are often written as a way of seeking closure, saying goodbye, or searching for acceptance in your journey.
Treating Co-Occurring Disorders.
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Survey on Drug Use and Health in 2014 approximately 7.9 million adults in America suffered from co-occurring disorders.
Your letter can be used as a personal unshared exercise, or brought into the therapy room and explored during the session. A lasting benefit of a letter is that it can be re-read and the story reconsidered at different stages of the therapy, providing a concrete means for evaluation of progress and change. The following is from a client and their experience with a therapeutic letter writing: I have been trying to find peace in my mind and heart since learning about my partner’s addiction and I felt that if I was able to forgive the people who had caused so much pain, I would be able to move on. There was one person in particular that I just could not forgive. I was sharing in group how much hate I had and I was asked to write an Anger Letter to this person. I knew that it would never be delivered to them, and I honestly wasn’t sure if it would help. I was just asked to write and put EVERYTHING out there. Don’t hold back at all. Just write and don’t stop until I had felt that I’d written all that I needed to write. I was really nervous to do it because I knew that doing it would mean thinking about all of the pain and hurt and anger and sorrow, so it took me several days to be courageous enough to do it. One night, I locked my bedroom door and said a little prayer and just started writing. I was writing as fast as I could. I wrote down everything that I felt and I laid it all out on paper. I didn’t reread it. I didn’t try to correct my grammar or make sure the words were all spelled right. I just wrote. I wrote until I couldn’t write anymore. It only took about 10 minutes. The next time I went to group, I read it to everyone there. It was the first time I had read it or said those words out loud to anyone and when I was finished, I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long long time. Years. Even writing this note makes me feel relief because of the experience that I had. I didn’t think that the act of writing and sharing could change my heart, but it did. I haven’t reached a point of forgiveness, but I do feel less anger and hate and I can move forward. My mind used to focus, several times a day, on this person. Now, there are days when I don’t think about them at all. I don’t carry around all of those thoughts and feelings anymore. It isn’t perfect, but it is much better. I know that writing the letter allowed me to move on and I am so thankful for it.
Ultimately, therapeutic letter writing gives you a voice, particularly if you find it difficult to put your experience into words. It can become a medium when you are reluctant to open up to your therapist or group. It also ensures that you have been accurately heard, providing you with the freedom to define your own experience, uninterrupted, and at your own pace. A letter written, but not sent or seen by anyone else, is yours. Just yours. All yours. In next week’s blog, I will share with you the group process for sharing an Anger Letter. Stay tuned!
