We all want to help the people we care about. When you see a friend or loved one struggling with addiction, you don’t see an addict; you see someone who needs help. You want to be there, to help her through a hard time. Unfortunately, the wrong kind of help can make the situation worse. How do you know whether you are supporting someone or just enabling her addiction?
Enabling
Enabling is anything you do to keep someone from facing the consequences of her addictive behavior. It’s basically whenever you do something for her that she should be doing for herself. Addiction isn’t like the flu. You’re not just helping until the trouble passes because enabling keeps the trouble from passing. It can be difficult to refuse help of this kind. People struggling with addiction can be manipulative and when they don’t get what they want they can be extremely unpleasant. Still, it’s better for both of you in the long run if you refrain from enabling behavior. Persistently enabling someone close to you by putting her needs ahead of your own is classic codependent behavior. Some examples of enabling behavior include covering for someone’s mistakes. This might be running errands for her, covering for her at work, lying to protect her, or taking the blame for her mistakes. Doing anything that she neglects is also enabling, such as cleaning up after her. Giving her money in any form is enabling too. She may come to you with a story about how her power is about to be turned off or she’s about to be evicted and she just needs a few hundred dollars to get her through the month. But if she spent her own money on substances, why do you think she would spend your money on bills? You may think paying her bills directly is a better option, but it only frees up her own money to buy drugs and alcohol.
Supporting
You can support her by doing whatever you can to get her help. This might mean having some conversations about her substance use. Always remember to empathize as much as possible. Listen to what she says and refrain from judgment. Tell her you’re concerned and want to help. If you’ve tried talking to her and stopped all your enabling behavior and it still hasn’t helped, you might want to organize an intervention with the help of an experienced intervention counselor. You can also help your loved one by helping yourself. It’s often said that addiction is a family disease, perpetuated by unhealthy family dynamics. If you and other family members participate in family therapy, it can often have a positive impact on your loved one. You might also consider attending a support group such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon to connect with others who are going through the same thing.
If you’re struggling with substance use, Recovery Ways can help. We offer intensive outpatient treatment as well as residential treatment. Recovery Ways is a premier drug and alcohol addiction treatment facility located in Salt Lake City, Utah. Our mission is to provide the most cost-effective, accessible substance abuse treatment to as many people as possible. Request information online or call us today at 1-888-986-7848.
