When we are in recovery, it can help our healing process a great deal to reflect on the different factors in our lives that may have contributed to our addictive patterns and behaviors. Our relationships can be one of those factors and can play a crucial role in the development of our addictions. Sometimes our relationships don’t offer us the support and love we need. They might be toxic and even abusive. When our partners make us feel bad about ourselves, we can start to believe the things they tell us and to develop low self-esteem. We can base our own feelings of self-worth on how our partners treat us and speak to us. Unhealthy relationships very often play off our fears, including our fears of inadequacy, inferiority, rejection and abandonment. If our partners make us feel as though we’re not good enough or that we’re inferior to other people, or if they make us feel as though they are rejecting or abandoning us, we can direct our fears into developing addictive behaviors to cope with the pain. Our relationships can be the emotional triggers that cause us to turn to our addictions. The anxiety and pain of our relationships can be what causes us to want to use. Some relationships are themselves addictive. Sometimes we have relationships that we can’t seem to end, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want to or need to, no matter how unhealthy we know they are. These relationships are highly toxic and are often a result of codependence. We might be afraid to be alone. We might be afraid to feel the pain of loss. These relationships can be a sign of love/sex addiction, where we are using relationships and sex like a drug to try to escape our pain. Often our relationships are fueling our addictions, especially when we use with our partners. Very often our partners are addicts themselves, and we are exacerbating and enabling each other’s addictions. We might lie and cover for each other and help each other conceal our addictions from other people. We might enable each other’s denial about how serious our addictions actually are. We might seek out drugs for our partner or help bail them out repeatedly. We don’t push each other to face the consequences of our addictions, and we don’t encourage each other to address the unresolved pain that is driving them. Instead, we help each other suppress and bury our pain in cycles of avoidance and escapism.
We encourage family involvement in the recovery process through family therapy, workshops and educational resources. Call 1-888-986-7848 for more information.
